Become a Lady of Leisure
A lady of leisure typically evokes an image of a non-working woman who sits around doing nothing all day. But I’m embracing a more inspiring idea of this phrase — a path of pleasure quintessential to good living.
Several years ago I walked into my windowless corporate office, under the assault of artificial light and stagnant air, and handed in my notice of resignation. I made the decision only the night before to take an indefinite sabbatical with my then partner (a German diplomat who also took a leave from his post at the UN) and run off to Europe.
I had no solid game plan, still I took on the personal, professional and financial risks of leaving my job, my home, my network and my country behind. I was driven by a taste for adventure and, more importantly, a desire for freedom. I wanted to live life on my own terms.
As a respected senior leader at a multi-billion dollar luxury brand, I couldn't just walk away. I had to initiate an orderly transition which involved having conversations with several executives who happened to be quite intrigued by my decision to depart from a promising career path.
One of them assumed he knew exactly what was going on and stated more than asked "so what are you going to do, become a lady of leisure?" Knowing his intentions were harmless and driven by curiosity, I didn't interpret his comments as misogynistic. However, internally, I still took offense and focused on the negative connotation of the phrase.
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My lady of leisure journey
As intelligent and ambitious of an individual as I was, how could anyone think that I would just sit and do nothing? Yes, I was going to travel around Europe but would also use that time to explore creative passions and entrepreneurial pursuits. I wasn’t an heiress nor was my partner funding my lifestyle. And I wasn't going to simply frolic through the EU and have nothing to show for it.
At the time I wasn't as well-versed in psychology to know that my adverse reaction to his comment triggered something that had been lurking deep down within my shadow self. Years later, I now know that this resistance to the idea of living a life of leisure was exactly because I wanted to (but didn't think it proper to admit it to myself or others).
Since I was a child, I've always had a strong determination to succeed that was fueled by a desire to overcome the limitations of the circumstances I was born into. I wasn't going to be a product of my environment but beat the odds in order to attend the best schools and get the best jobs and live the best life possible. However, my concept of what was "best" for me was shifting. After achieving so much, I no longer needed to prove that I was more than just a nondescript girl from a low-income neighborhood.
After showing that I could be the best (the smartest student, the top ranked employee, etc.), I no longer needed to abide by societal norms to dictate my path. I learned and lived by the rules, and finally was ready to break them.
I ended up spending eight years abroad and during that time I started several successful (and not so successful) businesses and projects. No matter where in the world I was, I always had something to work on. I fought hard not to be a lady of leisure, even though my life was charmed and I was living what many would consider a dream. My travels extended beyond Europe, to magical destinations in Asia and Africa. And I worked my way through them all.
I worked sipping Vinho Verde in Lisbon's wine country and in between hikes up and down the Picos de Europa in Northern Spain. I ate and worked my way through Tuscany — from Bradi Toscanis in Chianciano Terme to Osteria del Merlo in Cetona. I worked after a spa day at Les Bains but before strolling the Jardin Majorelle in Marrekesh. I worked on the coast of Essaouira and after negotiating with Moroccan rug vendors in Imlil, a small village in the chilly Atlas Mountains.
I spent a whole month working in South Africa. I found pockets of time between afternoon tea at Mount Nelson in Cape Town, luxury safaris at the Cheetah Ridge and lunch under a canopy of trees at Vergelegen Wine Estate in Somerset West. I even squeezed in a bit of work before Christmas Eve drinks with family and friends at the Park Hyatt Lounge in Saigon.
How I embraced leisure
I didn't think myself deserving of this 5-star life so I created work to justify it. Then my entire life took a turn and within a month's span I ended my relationship, I sold one of my businesses, temporarily suspended activities in the others, and moved back to the States in the middle of the pandemic. I was so stunned at the unexpected individual and societal shift, that I didn't have a plan for what to do next (my belongings are still sitting in storage in Berlin). One thing I knew for sure — I was not going to work.
It's funny how it takes hardship or upheaval to force us to accept the authentic aspects of ourselves. For an entire year I did absolutely nothing — at least nothing that could be categorized as hard work. I used the pandemic as an opportunity to finally become a lady of leisure. More than anything I want to seek and share knowledge, so during quarantine I spent most of my days reading, writing and nurturing my philosophical interests.
As the world turned back on, I considered relaunching old businesses or starting new ventures. I even entertained conversations with brands in need of an ambitious leader. Yet I was at a crossroads. Do I remain content in my little Garden of Eden and focus on how to maintain this paradise? Or do I bite from the forbidden fruit and launch myself back into a world driven primarily by the pursuit of money, status and power?
I created Viveura as a means of personally exploring the idea of leisure and the art of living well. As an amateur philosopher I have a theory about the universal desires that drive us all: freedom, fulfillment and fortune. Most of us focus on one aspect of this triad without realizing that self-actualization comes from balancing all three.
The philosophy of leisure
In the tarot playing card deck, the Queen of Pentacles is an archetype that most embodies my idea of a lady of leisure. This particular Queen is confident, self-aware, generous, sensible and successful. She is a master manifestor of prosperity and luxury, yet her approach to creating abundance is notably different than the other powerful (trump and court) characters in the deck.
The Queen of Pentacles is usually depicted sitting contentedly in a beautiful and lush garden. Yet she is far from an idler or gold-digger. It is through her own savviness that she is able to surround herself with such splendor and indulge in it. The highest expression of this aspirational archetype is a self-made woman. But unlike the most prominent examples of successful women, this Queen knows how to balance work with play.
In astrology, the Queen of Pentacles is closely related to Taurus (which happens to be my sun sign), the regal ruler of Earth and worldly pleasures who loves rest, comfort, nature and sensorial experiences of all types — while ironically having the best work ethic in the entire Zodiac. Taurus works diligently when she must, but she works to live never the other way around.
In tarot, when the Queen of Pentacles comes out reversed it represents the lower expression of the archetype. In other words, the Queen becomes insecure and out of alignment with her true desires. She is distracted by happenings outside of her secret garden — envious of what others have, tempted by what others do, fearful of missing out or being judged for her unique lifestyle. She allows herself to be lured out of her sanctuary, and once she is disconnected from this enchanted enclave she loses her magic and her distinctive manifestation style.
What’s tempting about the “real world” is more control (or perhaps the illusion of it). Outside of my garden, I manipulate in order to manifest. I exert sheer force of will in order to identify, go after and take what I want. I am Taurus the raging bull, the more masculine and dominant side of my sun sign. Dogged and determined, I feel capable as I overcome obstacles, charge through barriers, and actively achieve the constant goals I set for myself. Outside of my garden, I strive.
But as a lady of leisure, I am focused on the present and do not worry so much about what the future will bring. In my garden, I choose to be instead of do, even if not doing means I miss out on lucrative opportunities. I have faith in my ability to attract abundance, vs. exhaust myself in the pursuit of it, because I balance head with heart and materiality with spirituality. As a result, I create a self-sufficient oasis that provides for my every need. In my garden, I exert power solely over myself and through self-mastery, I thrive.
As I consider the next phase of my life, there is no wrong choice. With my skills and talents, any decision will ultimately lead to success. It is not a question of being or not being a Queen, but of what type of Queen I want to be. Likewise your pursuit of leisure, if at all, should be rooted in an understanding of what matters most, as that serves as the foundation upon which you can build your ideal (or idle) life.
How to become a lady of leisure
As mentioned, the term lady of leisure traditionally refers to a woman who does not need to work for a living and is free to pursue a life of relaxation and pleasure. Becoming a lady of leisure typically implies either financial independence or being supported by someone else.
As such, this may seem like a somewhat dated concept, as societal expectations and norms have evolved over time. Modern perspectives often emphasize the value of personal accomplishment and contribution to society, irrespective of gender. Pursuing a life solely for leisure may not be universally regarded as a fulfilling or meaningful goal in contemporary society.
However, if you’ve gotten this far down in the article you probably resonate with my story and, like me, you are at the point where you could care less about societal norms. I imagine you are more than ready to elevate your life and start living on your own terms. Internally, you believe that pursuing pleasure, living luxuriously, and having ample leisure time are worthy goals. If this sounds like you:
Download our complimentary guide
We’ve created a downloadable pdf and video guide on how to master the art of living a life of pleasure and leisure. First we dive into the philosophy of luxury (it’s so much more than expensive things) then we outline what you can do to stop striving and start thriving. Access it by joining our digest.
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Take the Design Your Life Course
If you are at the point where you are ready to redesign your entire life and need a more focused resource, I wholeheartedly suggest you take the course “Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life” created by two renowned Stanford professors. This site is an affiliate of the course because we believe in the curriculum.
They’ve used an innovative and proven method called Design Thinking to build the foundations of the course. I took the Design Thinking course as an MBA student at Stanford, and decided to apply the framework to my personal life. It was life-changing and was highly instrumental in inspiring me to live on my own terms.
More lady of leisure resources
As the ancient patron of pleasure, the philosophy of Epicurus, as distilled in The Art of Happiness, is a comprehensive source of wisdom on how to live well.
If you don't know how to do nothing, journalist Celeste Headlee's bestselling book will teach you how to be easy.
Departures is an exceptional travel and lifestyle magazine with a wealth of ideas on elevated living. Though designed as an exclusive resource for American Express platinum and centurion cardholders, there are many public articles available.
If you find it difficult to relax and get into a serene state, How to Breathe by Ashley Neese offers a practical guide on breathwork and its benefits.
Read The Idler's Manual for a brief but idea rich guide on how to live a leisurely lifestyle.
“What cats can teach us about how to live” analyzes the behaviors and mannerisms of domestic felines to provide tips on how to live easy. Cat lovers and introverts will especially appreciate this article.
"Romanticize Your Life" is the trendy phrase that calls for indulging in simple pleasures. Explore why it's worth hopping on the bandwagon.
The Underachiever's Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great is a quirky self-help guide about how to unapologetically do nothing.
Derived from the most popular recreational substance, CBD is quickly becoming a go-to for alleviating anxiety and has promising research to back up its claims. Though research is inconclusive, it's worth investigating its potential anti-stress benefits.
Taking time to cook is a relatively easy leisure activity. Sunday Suppers is a beautiful cookbook with simple recipes that will help you rediscover the art of making meals at home.
You can't experience the benefits of leisure if you can't carve out time for it. Make Time for "Me Time", published in the Harvard Business Review, offers actionable tips on how to focus on yourself.
The Urgent Case for Sabbaticals by Time discusses the idea of working non-stop for decades without a break and why that is absurd.
